Friday, 6 April 2012

New Start

Okay.  I know I've said to before.  But now I'm back.
Bryan is moving out to live with his girlfriend, and the next four months is officially ME TIME.
I won't have much money.  Rent is half my paycheck.  Bills will be lower with just me here.  I will survive this.\

He's moving out tomorrow, and I've already planned what I'm going to do with the house.
My desk is moving into the lounge (it's his TV, so I won't have one), so I'll have my computer in there.
One couch is moving to the dining room, the other will be out of the way in the lounge.  Coffee table is also going to the dining room, and the small coffee table will move to my bedroom as a bedside table.  Moving stuff around in my bedroom to make it more what I want.
If I keep the CD player it'll go in the dinning room so I have music for when I'm cooking.
I'm getting rid of the spare desk, the spare bed, and my auntie's TV unit.  If she doesn't want it back I'll sell it, make some cash from it.

I'm doing Paleo and P90X.  I will post a picture of me on here as a starting point, and update it monthly.
Basically I'll be living off a chilli recipe that is basically beef, veggies and canned tomatoes (no additives), fruit and coffee.  That's about all I'll be able to afford.
Hopefully I'll kick the smokes, as I probably won't be able to afford them.

Finding positives from what could possibly be a bad situation for me.  And I will come out on top.

I reapplied for the RAAF, and did the YOU Session.  If they don't call me back next week I'll be calling them to check up.

Blinky has a thing for me too.  /sigh.  That could get tricky.  I can't possibly see what he sees in me, but that's just negative me talking.  Enough about that.

Talk soon.

Monday, 6 February 2012


I want to snuggle.  I want to feel arms around me, comforting.  I should have snuggled with Bry before he got his girlfriend, cause to ask now would be kinda awkward.

There's a guy at work, let's call him Blinky, I have the biggest... I think 'squish' is the Ace term.  But he's the only guy in a long time I've considered trying sex with.  Not that I'd ever have a chance with him.  He's just like Cam, only more mature with more baggage, and not punk.  Told him I was Ace at the pub (and explained it, of course), and he wasn't disgusted or anything, took it so well, I was surprised.  I was disappointed when I drove him home and he didn't ask me in, even though (even) I would have known what he meant.  He's a really nice guy, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.  I didn't want any of this.  Idiot.

Wednesday, 1 February 2012


Get back to my computer after having a smoke and Paint It Black is on.  Oh, and I went out and got alcohol.  :/


Is it possible to become an instant alcoholic?  I've always been a social drinker, and not a fan of being drunk, but I can't get it out of my head.  I want a drink - or 10 - now, and it's driving me nuts.  What the hell?  Seriously, this is not me.  Last time I got trashed I cried myself to sleep - and left my friends house to sleep in my car rather than stay on the couch and listen to her and her bf argue, and the time before that I was home alone and ended up cutting again, so why do I want to drink myself to sleep? First world problems again.  Maybe I will ask Mark for that shrink's phone number.

Blog - blog.

So yeah, not exactly frequent updates, but meh.  Pissed off a little that I got down to 89.05 last Saturday, and now I'm back up at 92.  Then again, Friday night I pretty much evacuated everything from multiple orifices in a drunken stupor, so maybe that has something to do with the sudden loss lol.
I'm reading a SG:A fanfic where John has to write a journal, and it reminded me its been a while since I update this, so here it is.
So my friend Cameron died the other week.  It's my first death (cousin and grandma died when I was a kid, but I don't really remember them).  Took it pretty badly, went to the funeral, hated myself because I was 'over it in a week', then got drunk last Friday and ended up in a public bathroom crying my eyes out.  The person I would consider my best friend is being less that friend-like in regards to this.  It's funny, her and her bf have all the time for our other friend - slut bitch of a woman - and she tells me all her problems, yet this major thing happens to me and it's like nothing.  Oh, and she owes me $500 and they went and bought a $700 puppy.  WTH?  She know I need new tyres for my car.
So at the work Christmas party thing I got a bit drunk (goddamn team leader kept buying me drinks, 'twas a good night though) and the team leader... let's call him BCM and I D&Med a whole lot, and he reckoned I should see a shrink, and he's got the number of a good one that he sees.  I laughed it off, and hadn't really thought again about it, but now I'm wondering.  Do I have all these issues with food, my sexuality, social phobias etc, or is it all First World Problems?
I don't know.  /headdesk.
Still haven't returned to Fitday.

Thursday, 26 January 2012

Food Issues

For the first time ever, I'm wondering if I have food issues.
I never thought I did, I know I don't eat properly, but never thought of it as an issue.  Now I'm dreading getting on the scales tomorrow morning, because I had lunch and then the housemate made me dinner (it was healthy, yum kangaroo), but the point is that I've eaten to proper meals today and I know that I'm not going to be 90.25 again tomorrow.
Someone once mentioned me having a food disorder to me, and I just laughed, and said "answer me one question; do I look anorexic?".  Now I'm wondering if my unhealthy relationship with food is worse than I thought.
I don't know.   :(

Okay, not quite...

Okay, so about that "update every day" thing.... I'm slack.  But on a good note, as of this morning 90.25!!  Fuck yeah, almost in the 80s, freakin stoked.
Had a weird thing happen at work on Monday, had a dizzy spell, complete with gagging.  This is new for me, the nausea is a constant in my life, but practically falling into the arms of the First Aider at work?  Not one of my finest moments.  Housemate reckons low blood pressure, and I'm losing weight too quickly, but I dispute the losing weight one, because I'm not going about it in a bad way, it's just the work I do is so physical, it would be impossible to not lose weight doing what I do.  Low blood pressure I dunno, but I'll go to the doctors if it happens again.  I've been alright since then, so gonna forget about it.
So today is Aussie Day, and I'm just chilling, catching up on CAD (online comic I've neglected reading for a while), I suppose I might go watch TV with the housemate for a while... later.
Peace out!