Friday, 22 July 2011


Ugh... Feel miserable.  Worst totm ever.  And I can't sleep because she's doing gardening, being as loud as fucking possible right next to my window.  Can't wait to move out.  Also massive craving for pepperoni \ cheese pizza, and salt and vinegar chips.  Pretty sure I'll have both by the end of the night.


So can't wait to move.  Holy shit, this is really happening.  Woohoo!

Thursday, 21 July 2011

Shopping whore

Went to the shops for a portable DVD player.  Came out with a monitor, a gaming mouse and a gaming keyboard.  I can't afford this.  When the hell did shopping become my depression cure??  I've never been one of THOSE girls.  Oh well, at least it was geeky stuff and not shoes or shit like that.

Wednesday, 20 July 2011


Ugh.  I'm in bed at half six.  Confused about Julian.  I don't know what he wants. I think after 23 years of not having a guy look at me romantically - well, except Bryan, but back to him later - I can't imagine what a guy would see in me.  Especially a guy 26 years my senior.  What the hell am I thinking?  I mean, he knows my quirks, touch phobia, virgin, never had a bf thing, so what does he want?
Okay, I think its easier to be honest in my blog if I post via email, since I can't see the hit count or read my old posts.  With this, I type what I'm thinking and hit send. Sure, it takes twice as long and my spelling on the phone is a bit ducky, but hey, whatever works.
He doesn't use punctuation or capitals properly.  Is that petty?  He's grown man, but can't take the time to write a text properly?  I'm not talking autocorrect fuckups cause I make my fair share of those, but it shits me.
Bryan.  Oh boy.  What to do... I'm moving in with the guy, I'm seeing someone else, yet I can't help hoping this stupid phobia disappears overnight so we can get together.  That's what I like about him, we went out for dinner once, and had a good chat about what we want, and for him sex is a big thing. Not in the cliched all males want sex way, but as part of a trusting loving relationship.  And that's the one thing I can't give him.  Well, I can't give him a hug either, but that's kinda beside the point. 
I don't know what I'm doing.
One day at a time I think.

"Lets see how fast this think can go."
- The Dresden Dolls, 'Delilah'.

Moving out!

Yay been accepted and moving out next week.  You cannot get the smile off my face.  :D

Friday, 15 July 2011


So my laptop is still fucked, but I'll use it tonight to post a real post, olny the screen is screwy.  I'm moving out.  I spoke to my dad and he's going to lend me the money so Bryan and I can get a place.  So happy.  Almost cried telling one of the forkies the news.  So we'll  start.looking right away, and as soon as we find somewhere we can apply.  Can't stop smiling.  :)

Saturday, 9 July 2011


Sorry about the drunk post, I'll address what I said in that one later, for now, I've stepped on, and broken my laptop.  So no internet at home for me until I can get a new one, or get it fixed, which is not looking promising with my money situation.
Haven't cried about it yet, but I'm waiting for it...


So I'm drunk and lkaths friend asked what is with my male touch phobia is about and I totally d n m ed with him and Kath and his gay son.  Fuck.  What the hell lol. Shit shouldn't gave drunk tonight.  He's like 49 and I'm into him and he seems intow me but realistically what could happen... FML

Friday, 8 July 2011

Test pic

Wondering if I can just add pics like this...

Test mobile post

Just a short one to see how this comes up on my blog.  Also , smoked too much already today. :(

Thursday, 7 July 2011

Who is Gym??

So yeah, dipped out on the gym thing again today.  It's like I want to hate myself.  On a good note, today is the first day in probably weeks that I didn't eat anything other than Lite n' Easy, so I'm counting it as a win.
Sorry about the pissed off post yesterday, still feeling a little agro, but not too bad tonight.
Homeowner has her ex-finace over, so I'm making myself even scarcer than usual, told them I'm going to bed - not a lie, I'm freakin beat.
Oh, if you're in the mood for a laugh, check out - please note there is swearing and rude words etc, so NSFW.  Basically it's what happens when your phone autocorrects your texts and you don't realize... very funny RL stuff.
Okay, bed time for me, night all.  :)

Wednesday, 6 July 2011

It's not fucking fair.  She doesn't deserve this.  All she's been through and she's being dragged into it again.
Fuck this is shit.  I feel like punching something.  So angry and upset.  Crying again, at least this time I know why.  Fuck.

I'm Not Dead Yet!

Sorry for the lack of posts.
Got some personal things going on that I can't get into here, but I am still doing the fitness thing, and actually had a massive DUH moment on the weekend, so I'm ready to smash this weight thing.
Got permission from the boss to start at 8 and finish at 4 for the next two days, gonna check out what the gym is like in the morning, and I figure rather than try to wake an hour earlier, I'll start and finish work an hour later.
So, since I posted last, I've had a massive hair cut - think "Afro" - and gotten my attitude on, big time.  And I love it.  Ready to kick some serious ass.

So Monday I was full of kickass, Tuesday I was full of kickass, until for no reason I burst into tears at home. WTF?  Not sure what's going on there, but whatever.  Spent the day at work today trying to avoid people, which kinda failed miserably, but didn't commit murder or have a breakdown, so I'll count it as a win.

I may be a bit off track for the next few weeks and there might be some times when I can go to the gym (insert subtle hint about personal issue), but I'll try to have my laptop on me so I can at least update this.

Joined the Columbus Day challenge on, basically my new goal is %10 my body weight gone by October 10th, so with some downward rounding, I'll working to be 94kgs by the end of it.  Cheer me on.  :D

Uhm, my phone contract ended, so I have upgraded the phone, and downgraded the plan, making it cheaper, making me happy.  Bought a weight monitor app, and a smoking monitor app as well, so I'll be keeping track of my weight and cigarette consumption daily.  The cutting back is progressing quite well, I'm pleased so far.?

Still need to call my old bootcamp instructor - If you're reading this 'General', so sorry, I will call, honest! - to organise one session a week of intense-can't-walk-the-next-day training, but might have to wait until I get a bit more financially stable.  Sold something on EBay, and got a couple more items up for some quick cash, hopefully they'll sell so I can relax a little.  As it is I'll be paying my car registration a week late, but might have to buy a plane ticket interstate, so NO GUARANTEES, VICROADS!

Hopefully this massive brain-dump has earned your forgiveness for not posting for the past week, you'll be pleased to know that one of my goals this week is to update this daily, so I should be doing. it.  :D

Cheers all, hope you had a good read and could make sense of my ramblings!