Wednesday, 20 July 2011


Ugh.  I'm in bed at half six.  Confused about Julian.  I don't know what he wants. I think after 23 years of not having a guy look at me romantically - well, except Bryan, but back to him later - I can't imagine what a guy would see in me.  Especially a guy 26 years my senior.  What the hell am I thinking?  I mean, he knows my quirks, touch phobia, virgin, never had a bf thing, so what does he want?
Okay, I think its easier to be honest in my blog if I post via email, since I can't see the hit count or read my old posts.  With this, I type what I'm thinking and hit send. Sure, it takes twice as long and my spelling on the phone is a bit ducky, but hey, whatever works.
He doesn't use punctuation or capitals properly.  Is that petty?  He's grown man, but can't take the time to write a text properly?  I'm not talking autocorrect fuckups cause I make my fair share of those, but it shits me.
Bryan.  Oh boy.  What to do... I'm moving in with the guy, I'm seeing someone else, yet I can't help hoping this stupid phobia disappears overnight so we can get together.  That's what I like about him, we went out for dinner once, and had a good chat about what we want, and for him sex is a big thing. Not in the cliched all males want sex way, but as part of a trusting loving relationship.  And that's the one thing I can't give him.  Well, I can't give him a hug either, but that's kinda beside the point. 
I don't know what I'm doing.
One day at a time I think.

"Lets see how fast this think can go."
- The Dresden Dolls, 'Delilah'.

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