Saturday, 25 June 2011


Hi all!
Had an interesting Friday night... went to a friends place (oh, you guys that know me IRL, if you can work out who I'm talking about this goes no further than the blog!  <3), and we ended up going out.  I'd only had two drinks in the four hours I'd been there, so I ended up driving my best mate's partner's car to the club.  Well that had me nervous enough, cause it's like a freakin V8 or whatever the hell powermachines are called, and I'm used to driving a tiny bitch-car, but we picked up my friend's niece from the station and got to the club okay.
There's a place I like to park, because it's where the band members also park, so I parked it there, and we went in.
Had a fun night, the band was great, and for those that don't know me, I can't dance to normal cub kinda music, I only dig the old school rock, and the band are a coverband that do a mix of old and new.  So it could be Metallica one minute, and Rhianna the next, nice little mix.
Around 3amish we decide to call if a night (especially when I saw a police officer come in and chat to security), and we went outside.  Well three police cars next, there's some incident in the car park.  Now, my friends are fairly smashed, and I only had one drink when we first got to the club, so I was fine to drive, but the guy bleeding from his face learning on my mate's car kinda derailed that plan.  I calmed down my friend who was fairly freaking out, and went to speak to an officer that couldn't tell me anything.  :S
Long story short, eventually face-bleeding guy and his friends left, and security told us that we could go, so we got back to their place safely, despite my returning nerves at driving someone else's car.
When we got back to my mate's, we were standing in the kitchen talking, and I took off my necklace, when I saw blood on my hand.  WTF?!  So we started to go to the car to see if there was blood on it, when I realized that I had some strange dude's blood on my hand.  That's when the freaking started.  Don't get me wrong, if it was my friend's blood, or someone I knew it wouldn't bother me, but some guy that obviously got into a fight in not the best part of Melbourne?  I don't want his blood on me.  To be honest it still kinda bothers me, but trying not to think of it.
So that's my latest story from that nightclub (let's call it The Dirty V... cause it's name starts with V and it is kinda seedy...).  Technically the police didn't say we could take the car, but it wasn't being treated like a crime scene, and as far as I know they haven't contacted my friend, so that's probably the last we'll hear of it.
I would like to say thanks to all good security guards out there, you cop a lot of shit to keep us safe!  <3

Friday, 24 June 2011


Well shit.
Homeowner just came home.  It's Thursday night, scratch that, Friday morning.  She said she'd be here maybe Sat, probably Sun.  So the house was a mess, I feel so fuckin' guilty, cause she shouldn't have to come home to the mess, but at the same time, WTF???  Seriously, heads up would have been nice.  I was planning on doing all the work tomorrow after work, so much for that idea.  And she's a tad passive-aggressive, so fun times ahead for sure.  Funny, only a few hours ago I was hanging out for when she got back, because I'd be too embarrassed to eat bad food with her here, and now I'm kinda pissed that she is.
Doubt I'll get much, if any, sleep tonight, given that it's midnight, thinking about going to the gym right now to get out for a little while, but that might be too obvious.
So kinda feeling like rock and a hard place, on a good note, I'm considering doing some heavy drinking tomorrow (to...?) night, seeing as how it's been a while, and I just may puke up the calories I drink, so it's win/win, right?   ;)  Okay, so I won't drink that much, but I'd rather be punching a punching bag to vent, rather than typing, seeing as how my keyboard is so delicate.

Thursday, 23 June 2011


I feel I need to get away from everything, get my head screwed on straight.
Go somewhere no one knows me.
Dream on.

Wednesday, 22 June 2011

AFK and MIA, not KIA!

Hi all!
I'm back!  Woohoo!
Up, down, sideways, these are my emotions.
Haven't gymmed in way too long, was going to this afternoon but had organized for a friend to visit, so didn't after work.  Then after I picked him up from the station I made the fatal mistake of bringing my gym bag inside - why, I don't know - and forgot it until I was halfway to his place - an hour from where I live.
I could go now, but a bit emotionally wrecked.  Might write more on that topic later, might not.
For now I really need some sleep, so thanks for hanging in there, it's encouraging to see the view count go up - even when I wasn't posting! - so thanks.  :)

Tuesday, 14 June 2011

Internet, or lack thereof

Just a quick one to say that I'm doing much better than I was on my last post - what a freaking downer!! - but I don't have internet access until Friday, so no more posts for a few days.
My goals are going well, been to the gym three times, and will go again tonight after movie night, quite enjoying the lack of people there. :D
Cheers all, look forward to updating you at the end of the week!   :)

Friday, 10 June 2011


I don't know.  I'm almost scared of going to the gym.  I mean, I've been to gyms before, but I think I've gotten even more insecure over time.  I don't want people to see me working out.  I'm disgusting... at least in my own mind.  I need a hug.


Debating going to the gym.  I went this afternoon after work, and joined, as well as getting a 12 session pass and a security pass to get in after hours.  Hating myself, was doing good on the Lite n Easy, but of course now that I had some money I figure, may as well go past McDonalds on the way home.  Why do I do that to myself?  Then of course because I've blown today, what does it matter if I eat half a packet of biscuits?  Didn't eat tonight's dinner, think I've eaten enough for today.
I've got this great plan, you know?  Join the RAAF, see where the career takes me.  Then I get depressed, and start thinking why would they even want someone like me?  What do I have to offer.  Then I usually cry myself to sleep.
It's funny, that as an ex-cutter (6 months clean, woohoo!) I could purposly hurt myself and feel pain, yet when it comes to 'good' pain of working out to lose weight I can't push myself that extra step.  Damn I wish there were fat people in the boot camp I used to go to.  Will post goals later, depending on if I go to the gym.

Thursday, 9 June 2011

Music To My Ears

Evening peeps.  Got music on my mind.  Just finished making some CDs for a good friend of mine for her birthday.  In her words "I know you've got cool music, and I like it.  For my birthday can you make me a CD?".  Haha, she's awesome.  So it's her 16th, and I've done 5 disks for her, talk about a trip down memory lane!  About 600 songs total, and tomorrow I'll write an into for each disk for her.
Sad, I told her mum (my very close friend) that I'd come to dinner yesterday for her birthday, but didn't have enough petrol to drive there and then do work and back today.  :(  Feel bad about it, but it happens.  Pay day today, so car is full now, and happier!   :)

Today was alright, left the freakin frozen meat for my wrap at home, so had my morning and afternoon tea for lunch, and raced home to have the wrap before it got too close to dinner time.  Pissed off, forgot how you get hungry when you eat like a normal person, and I had to stay back at work today because of some massive lighting issues in the warehouse, so I was late to get home.  All sorted now, thank goodness, could have been massive losses there.

Went to the supermarket this afternoon to replace all the food of the homeowner's that I'd eaten... big mistake.  Biscuits are calling me, but I'm trying to be good.  Of course, that means keeping my mouth occupied, so smoking more.  Can't win for losing.

Three day weekend coming up, can't wait!  Cleaning might have to wait until then... :)

  Eat everything Lite N' Easy deliver - no exceptions, and nothing else. Y Y Y
  Drink at least four bottles of water a day - even weekends! Y Y Y
 Join the gym on Friday and use it!
  Take the dog for a walk at least three times. N N N
  Be honest in blog with emotions, even though two people I know IRL are reading it. Y Y Y
  Cut back the smokes, big time. Y N N

Not Fitness:
  Organise my bedroom. N N N
  Organise the rest of the house. N N N
  Water the plants. N N N
  Take mail to nursing home. Y - N  

Wednesday, 8 June 2011


I dunno.  Shitty tonight I guess.  Bit out of sorts.
No mail to take to Michael, so that's a plus.  Smoked way too much today.  Think I need to make a rule that I'm not allowed to smoke inside.  Just tough that where I'm living the owner smokes inside, so I can to.  Everywhere else I've stayed at was with non-smokers, so way too easy to sit here in front of the computer and smoke.
Had fun last night, even though Star Wars night turned into movie night cause two usuals couldn't make it.  J invited two of his mates and we watched Serenity, one of my favorite movies.
Been thinking lately about me.  You know that saying, no one will love you until you love yourself?  God I hope that's not true.  I'm over being alone.

 Eat everything Lite N' Easy deliver - no exceptions, and nothing else. Y Y
 Drink at least four bottles of water a day - even weekends! Y Y
Join the gym on Friday and use it!
 Take the dog for a walk at least three times. N N
 Be honest in blog with emotions, even though two people I know IRL are reading it. Y Y
 Cut back the smokes, big time. Y N

Not Fitness:
 Organise my bedroom. N N
 Organise the rest of the house. N N
 Water the plants. N N
 Take mail to nursing home. Y -

Tuesday, 7 June 2011


So not liking the sidebar thing, might just add goal updates at the bottom of the post of the day (yes, I know I've done three posts today, but they're different topics...)

So here are this week's goals;

Eat everything Lite N' Easy deliver - no exceptions, and nothing else.  Y
Drink at least four bottles of water a day - even weekends!  Y
Join the gym on Friday and use it!
Take the dog for a walk at least three times.  N
Be honest in blog with emotions, even though two people I know IRL are reading it.  Y
Cut back the smokes, big time.  Y

Not Fitness:
Organise my bedroom.  N
Organise the rest of the house.  N
Water the plants.  N
Take mail to nursing home.  Y
By the way, nursing homes are creepy.  Don't wanna think about being a resident in one, ever.


Either an awesome band, or an alright dinner dish, depending on who you're talking to.
So Lite N' Easy arrived today, and it's all kinda-sorted out in the fridge and freezer, so I thought I'd try the meatloaf.  Now I've never had meatloaf, ever.  And know what?  It wasn't that bad.  Soooooo full though.  And the girl on the phone I spoke to said that the 1200 calorie one might not be enough for me - yeah, right!
Feel quite bloated, not nice feeling, sure not used to it, hopefully they're not all the filling.  Dreading a full day of eating 'properly'.  Five times a day.  So gross.  (I'm not a big fan of the eating process, in case you hadn't noticed.)
So all the food looks good, and I met the driver today, was a bit worried because it wasn't on the door step, but when I went to get the mail he drove up, so all good.  Will advise further on the meals as I eat them.

Quick note, on there's a topic where you put your week's goals and update them daily.  I'm going to try to make a side bar thingie and put my goals there, so small blog change.   :)


I made a decision yesterday.
Friday is payday, yesterday was Monday (for those of us in Aussieland).  I had $20.  Enough for either a pack of smokes, or gym 'membership' and one session.
So I could have 30 smokes, or one gym session.
I think we all know what I did (my lungs certainly do), but that's just something I had to get off my chest.
So here's to a bank a balance of $-11.62, but on a good note, read my next post!

Saturday, 4 June 2011


Smoking way too much, not eating enough.

Oh, if you haven't had alcohol in a while, and not eaten for two days, I don't recommend 13 Jack and Coke stubbies and a Jager-Bomb.  Just don't.

Thursday, 2 June 2011

What's Around The Corner?

A 24 hour gym, that's what!  So P90X goes on the shelf until I can at least do half the moves and vaguely keep up with them, this gym has a female area upstairs, and it's dead quiet this time of day - just when I finish work.
And when I say 'around the corner' I pretty much freakin mean it... it's literally on the way home, don't know how I didn't see the sign every time I drove past it, so thanks friend in real life that will never read this anyway.

Oh, and just to explain, I don't eat.  Well, I don't eat much.  Have been known to go days without eating, cause I just don't get hungry.  Which apparently isn't good for weight loss, hence the last post me doing Lite N' Easy.  It'll be a massive struggle to eat five times a day (!!!!!), but it's possible, and joining the RAAF in this condition isn't, so what the heck.

Peace out ya'll, update tomorrow to let you know how I go.  Oh, I'll be focusing on cardio mainly first, but I will hit the weights at some stage.  Just get me on a treadmill and give me five minutes to collapse.   :D