Friday, 10 June 2011


Debating going to the gym.  I went this afternoon after work, and joined, as well as getting a 12 session pass and a security pass to get in after hours.  Hating myself, was doing good on the Lite n Easy, but of course now that I had some money I figure, may as well go past McDonalds on the way home.  Why do I do that to myself?  Then of course because I've blown today, what does it matter if I eat half a packet of biscuits?  Didn't eat tonight's dinner, think I've eaten enough for today.
I've got this great plan, you know?  Join the RAAF, see where the career takes me.  Then I get depressed, and start thinking why would they even want someone like me?  What do I have to offer.  Then I usually cry myself to sleep.
It's funny, that as an ex-cutter (6 months clean, woohoo!) I could purposly hurt myself and feel pain, yet when it comes to 'good' pain of working out to lose weight I can't push myself that extra step.  Damn I wish there were fat people in the boot camp I used to go to.  Will post goals later, depending on if I go to the gym.

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